Trans/NB Support Group- LGBTQ+

June 27th, 2025

On June 23rd, I (Wyatt) hosted the first transgender/non-binary support group for the area. I was really motivated to start a support group because of all the political changes that are affecting this group of people. Since the taking over of office on January, there have continued to be cuts to protections and gender affirming care for marginalized groups. We are all feeling unsafe.

The biggest topic we discussed was how identities are self-identifying. This is a concept that many people have not heard of, so I wanted to share it here for you all!

It doesn't matter what identity we are talking about. Gender, sexual, romantic, relationship... they are all SELF-IDENTIFYING! Now, what does this mean? This means that each person sets their own "rules" when it comes to their identity. For example, in regard to gender, this can be how a person dresses, what terms work for them, what gender affirming care they want to receive, etc. How one transgender man identifies is not going to match how another transgender man identifies. There could absolutely be crossover or similarities between people, but each person is unique and thus each identity is unique as well.

There tends to be a lot of gate keeping both inside and outside of the LGBTQ+ community and it becomes very apparent when you start discussing gender identity. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say that a transgender man can't wear make-up or dresses and if they do that means they aren't a transgender man. As you can see, a lot of gatekeeping has to do with gender roles/ideas. The constant invalidation is exhausting. I always find myself asking, "Why can't we just let people live their lives?" And I don't mean this in the sense of, "It doesn't affect you so don't worry about it", although that is a great mentality to have. I mean it in a, "Why does the idea of a man enjoying wearing dresses offend you?" On a fundamental level... what causes people to push back so much against these very normal personal preferences or identities?

Why do you think women shouldn't be masculine..? Why are you so concerned with whether or not a transgender woman plans on having bottom surgery..? Why are you so offended by the use of they/they pronouns...? Why are you ok with lesbians, but gay men are offensive to you..?

There's a million different answers that people could give to justify gatekeeping and invalidation, but I have found they all boil down to fear. Cis men are afraid that they'll meet and be attracted to transgender woman. Why? "Well, because she used to be a dude." NO!! She has always be a woman and is no longer living the lie of being a man. In fact, a friend of mine recently went through a similar situation with her partner. After years of being together, her partner pushed back against the idea that she no longer wanted bottom surgery. "What if she still has a dick?" So what if she does? You should be attracted to her for who she is, not "what's in her pants". But let's break this down as well... fear of enjoying penetration? Fear of being attracted to men? Fear of being a marginalized group?

I could ramble on for hours on this topic because it is something I am incredibly passionate about, but I will leave you with this slice of wisdom. "Encouraging someone to be entirely themselves is the loudest way to love them." -Kalen Dion