Outdated Terms
It can be incredibly difficult to navigate the overwhelming amount of outdated terms for the rainbow alphabet. Many haven't been used in years, but people grew up hearing... others are used only within the community. How does one possibly know what they can say?
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The first question you should ask yourself is, "Am I using this term in a targeted or derogatory way?" If the answer is yes, then we recommend doing some unpacking on why you view the person or identity in a negative light. If the answer is no, then ask yourself, "Am I a member of this community? Do I know the person I am talking to well enough to be able to use this term in a joking manner?" If the answer is no to either of those questions, then we recommend being very conscious of any terms you use in that conversation.
Outdated Terms & Recommended Alternatives
Biologically female/male
This phrase undermines non-cisgender identities and implies that sex and gender are the same thing.
Use instead: Assigned Female/Male at Birth
Dyke
This term has been reclaimed by many within the community and can commonly be heard by those identifying with it. Unless you identify with this term or are very close with someone who identifies with this term (and have had conversations about using it), we recommend not using it.
Use instead: Lesbian, Sapphic
Faggot/Homo/Queer
As with the term above, this term has been reclaimed by many within the community and can commonly be heard by those identifying with it. Unless you identify with this term or are very close with someone who identifies with this term (and have had conversations about using it), we recommend not using it. **Note- In recent years the term Queer has been reclaimed as an alternative term for the LGBTQ+ community. Not everyone under the umbrella identifies with this term and it is recommended to continue to use LGBTQ+ if you do not identify within the rainbow alphabet**
Use instead: Gay man
Gay Agenda
There is not a single agenda that is being pushed by members of the LGBTQ+ community. As with all people, ideals and morals vary wildly within the queer community. This term is most often used in media to push inaccurate ideologies and minimize discrimination happening to the LGBTQ+ community.
Use instead: Terms that call attention to rights that the LGBTQ+ is fighting for. Equality, Nondiscrimination, Human Rights, etc.
Hermaphrodite
This is an outdated term for someone who has both male and female sex characteristics
Use instead: Intersex
Homosexual or Homosexual Lifestyle/Relationship/Couple
This term was previously used to describe those that are attracted to people of the same gender. This term is commonly used by those who are demonizing anyone who is not heterosexual or in a heterosexual relationship. As most of us know, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, etc. are very real identities and should never be described as a lifestyle choice.
Use instead: Gay/Lesbian or Relationship/Couple
Passing/Stealth/Blend
These terms are often used to describe transgender people who are perceived as the gender they identify with. A transgender man who is perceived and accepted as a man would be described as passing. These terms undermine transgender identities because they imply that a person who is not perceived as their gender identity is invalid and therefore not accepted. **We do not recommend commenting on a person's perceived identity. Gender expression and Gender Identity are two very distinct parts of the bigger picture that makes up a person's gender. It is also not recommended to out anyone's identity unless you have received explicit permission.**
With permission use instead: Openly Transgender
"Preferred" Name/Pronouns
This one can be a bit controversial depending on who you talk to within the community. To many, using the term 'preferred' implies that there is another acceptable option. A cisgender person who goes by a name other than their legal name generally does not say, "My preferred name is...", so why has this become so mainstream for the transgender and non-binary communities? We are firm believers that the term 'preferred' should be dropped altogether.
Use instead: Definitive statements "My name is..." and "My pronouns are..."
Sex
We have learned that gender is a social construct and is distinctly different than sex assigned at birth. Using sex to refer to gender undermines non-cisgender identities.
Use instead: Gender
Sex Change
This term was once used to describe the a person coming out as transgender and 'changing' their sex. As stated above, we have learned that Gender is different than sex, thus this term no longer accurately reflects the process transgender people go through.
Use instead: Transition(ing)
Sexual Preference
This term was once used to describe non-heteronormative relationships. Preference was used to described these relationships as less than and undermine/invalidate any relationship that was not heterosexual. **Note- a person can have a sexual preference for a specific gender, but that does not define their sexual identity. For example: A person can be pansexual and prefer women.**
Use instead: Sexual Identity
Sodomy
This term was used for a long time in our history. It is most often used in religious conversations about the 'sin' that is homosexuality. It is also still used in some areas to refer to sodomy laws that are in place. This is not an acceptable way to refer to sex between two men.
Use instead: Anal, sex
Top/Bottom Surgery
These terms were used to refer to the types of surgeries that transgender people could have without using the medical terms. There are multiple reasons on why we recommend not using them. Transitioning looks different for every transgender person. Some don't take any transition steps other than changing their name and gender expression. For those that do go through more transition steps, it can be a very intimate and/or anxiety inducing topic depending on gender dysphoria. It's because of this that we do not recommend asking a transgender person about their transition plans. Also... you would not ask a cisgender person what surgeries they plan on having, would you? These terms also just sound icky. They don't accurately reflect what a transgender person is going through. **Note- As with other topics, there are different levels of acceptance based on how well you know a person. If you know the person well, then it may be ok to ask them about their transition plans. We recommend asking if it's ok to have those conversations rather than directly asking them about their transition.**
Use instead: Gender Affirming Surgeries
Transexual/Tranny/Shemale/HeShe
This term predates the term 'transgender' and was once used to describe a person who identified as a gender other than their assigned sex at birth. These terms were most often used in derogatory was. There are some transgender people who use the term 'tranny' among themselves or use it ironically. This is generally done in very small circles and by those who know each other very well. If you do not fall into that description, then it is best practice not to use these terms.
Use instead: Transgender
Transgenderism/Transgendered
These terms are most often used in media and by those who demonize transgender people. They use the word transgender as an adjective rather than a noun. This implies that being transgender is a condition that can be cured and greatly invalidates the trans experience.
Use instead: Transgender (as a noun)
Example: Lavern Cox is transgender
Transvestite
This term was used to describe a person who, in their private life, dresses and presents as a gender different than their sex assigned at birth. This is a distinct difference from someone who performs Drag. As we've grown in the 21st Century, it has become more commonplace for gender to be removed from clothing and style choices. Many no longer see a need for a term for their style/aesthetic. There are some that identify with the term 'Cross Dresser', but this term should be approached with caution and only used with explicit permission.