Internal (Chaos) Monologue

6/8/2026

Wyatt

Ben

Maureen

I’m tired of feeling this way. These back and forth feelings. I can’t do this anymore. Passive suicidal thoughts again? No, just overwhelm. You’re so dramatic. That’s not true. Just get your shit together and stop worrying so much. I don’t know how to do that… 

Why can’t I get over this fucking pain? Everything feels so hopeless. 

I need to vacuum. It’s been two weeks since the last time. You don’t deserve the things you have. What?! What do you have to offer people? Unregulated emotions and recurring trauma flashbacks? I am more than that. Are you? What good things have you been giving to people recently? All you do is lay in bed and cry. I’m overcoming a lot right now. Yeah yeah… you’re unemployed and “focusing on you”. 

‘All of my enemies started out friends, help me hold onto you’ (The Archer- Taylor Swift). 

I’m losing Lee. No you’re not. Yes, I am. They’re so indifferent. Remember when they wanted to be around you? They still want to be around me. What things do you have planned? I mean… not a lot, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be around me. Oh really? Bella loves you so much. Trevor said he loved you and look what happened…

‘Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow. I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it’ (Tolerate it- Taylor Swift).

Just do the things. I’m trying. I’m not built for this (capitalist) system. Well this is the world you live in. I know, but it’s not fair. There’s so much stigma and misunderstanding surrounding mental health. I wish people realized how crippling it can be. People are getting there. Are they? Look what happened with your last relationship and your last two jobs… it doesn’t seem like people understand the difficulties.

This is pointless… this is pointless… you can do this.